myviewsmylife

2011-07-02T10:27:00.001+08:00

They were the cream, the most highly motivated young soldiers in the generation, selected to fit the army's ideal. We knew each other better than most brothers did. We've been drunk together, gotten into fights, slept in jungles, jumped out of airplanes, climbed mountains, swim through rivers with crocodiles, baked, frozen and starved together, passed countless bored hours, teased one another about girlfriends and stirring shit, partied hard get drunk again and falling asleep or pissing off some club bouncers. Some of us had tasted failures. But there were no goof-offs. Every one of us had worked to be here, probably harder than he'd ever worked in his life. Beneath our regimental act, most were achingly earnest and idealistic. Literally taken up the quote that says "If not now, when? If not you, who?" more often than the famous "For honour and glory.

I miss you guys.

2011-04-03T13:37:00.001+08:00

2011-03-13T02:39:00.000+08:00

2011-03-05T15:30:00.000+08:00

2011-02-12T08:51:00.001+08:00

2011-02-11T20:41:00.000+08:00

2011-02-04T11:30:00.000+08:00

2011-01-30T04:15:00.001+08:00

2011-01-23T16:41:00.001+08:00

2011-01-16T16:58:00.000+08:00

If you fight only for yourself, you fight with the strength of one man... If you fight with for your team, your school and your community, you fight with the strength of a few hundred man... If you fight for everyone you know and your country, then you fight with the strength of millions.

2011-01-13T22:10:00.000+08:00

People live their lives bound by what they accept as correct and true. That's how they define "reality". But what does it mean to be "correct" or "true"? Merely vague concepts or their "reality" may all be a mirage. Can we consider them to simply be living in their own world, shaped by their beliefs?

2011-01-09T03:32:00.001+08:00

2011-01-08T10:41:00.001+08:00

2010-12-02T22:40:00.002+08:00

For all the free people that still protest, you're welcome,
We protect you and you are protected by the best.
Your voice is strong and loud, but who will fight for you?
No one standing in your crowd.
We are your fathers, brothers, and sons, wearing the boots and carrying the guns.
We are the ones that leave all we own, to make your sure future is carved in stone.
We are the ones who fight and die.
We might not be able to save the world, well at least we try.
We walked the paths to where we are at and we want no choice other than that.
So when you rally your group to complian, take a look in the back of your brain.
In order for the flag you love to fly, wars must be fought and young men must die.
We came here to fight for the ones we hold dear, if its not respected, we would rather stay here.
So please stop yelling and put down your signs, and pray for those behind enemy lines.
When the conflict is over and all is well, be thankful that we chose to go through hell.

2010-09-19T00:48:00.002+08:00

Yes it's been awhile. There is alot of things happening and I don't really have the time to blog. Once my life starts to settle down abit more than I shall update again. Till than, Just know I'm still alive and kicking =)

2010-08-29T12:23:00.001+08:00

Can't take my mind off it.

2010-08-09T14:18:00.002+08:00

I wanna do an awful lot of scuba diving. I love to be on the ocean, under the ocean. I wanna live next to the ocean

2010-07-31T16:52:00.000+08:00

人只要不失去方向，就不会失去自己，人最重要的不是所站的位置，而是所朝的方向

2010-07-25T13:11:00.004+08:00

I don't know what to update. Lots of things are classified so there's nothing much to write. I feel very tired after each week and I don't really know if I have the courage to finish the whole course.Anyway, had Futsal tournament in the morning, got past by topping our group before losing on knock out in the next round. I can't wait for August 6, I'm going open water diving. =)

2010-07-17T13:25:00.001+08:00

So many of us get caught up in the past; past issues, past relationships, past mistakes, etc... We tend to give away our thoughts and energy of today to days and events that no longer exist. An unfortunate reality of this type of thinking is that we tend to lose sight of our true power and purpose. And we lose sight of the truth that we a free to change - to refine, improve, or enhance ourselves at any moment.

The value of a moment is immeasurable. The power of just ONE moment can propel you to success and happiness or chain you to failure and misery.

What if you could break free from the shackles of self blame, criticism, and disempowered limiting thought?

We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.

Today, many will awaken with a fresh sense of inspiration and leave the ghost of yesterday behind, why not you?

Today greets you with no rules or conditions. The only requirement to see all it has to offer is to live it full out. Each day brings immeasurable blessings and opportunities for happiness and success. Like a gift, beautifully wrapped at the foot of your bed each morning, today asks that you open it and enjoy everything inside.

Exhaust yourself with all it has to offer! Laugh, cry, say "I love you", say "I'm sorry", truly LIVE the day… when was the last time you did this? Squeeze all the juices the day has to offer, then, at the end of the day, go to sleep knowing that tomorrow morning, another gift will be waiting.

It's when we continue to look into the box of yesterday or last year or ten years ago that we feel depressed, trapped, and defeated. But the good news is that if you just open your eyes and look, you would see today's box, today's gift is waiting. Let go of yesterday, forget it. It's already forgotten you. Embrace the only day in which you have any power. Today!

Make a pact with yourself today to not be defined by your past. Instead, shake things up today! Live through today. Don't just exist through it - LIVE through it! Have a plan for success and make sure your actions reflect that plan.

Your dream is a reality that is waiting for you to materialize. Today is a new day! Don't let your history interfere with your destiny! Learn from your past so that it can empower your present and propel you to greatness

2010-07-04T16:10:00.000+08:00

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days. All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance. It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear. So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won't matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.

It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant. Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought but what you built, not what you got but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned but what you taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage, or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone.

What will matter is not your memories but the memories that live in those who loved you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

2010-06-20T14:16:00.002+08:00

My importance to the world is relatively small. On the other hand, my importance to myself is tremendous. I am all I have to work with, to play with, to suffer and to enjoy. It is not the eyes of others that I am wary of, but of my own. I do not intend to let myself down more than I can possibly help, and I find that the fewer illusions I have about myself or the world around me, the better company I am for myself.

2010-06-05T13:41:00.000+08:00

2010-05-29T12:35:00.000+08:00

When you have seen as much of life as I have, you will not underestimate the power of obsessive love. Perhaps the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state. Being in love shows a person who he should be.

2010-05-16T11:32:00.002+08:00

I've jumped from a 1000 ft, walked 72 km, climbed the mountains of Brunei, endured the cold of Taiwan and the heat of Thailand; what more could be worst?

Than I remembered, a heartbreak exist.

2010-05-15T00:05:00.000+08:00

Some people listen to themselves, rather then listen to what other say, these people don't come along very often, but when they do, they remind us, that once you set up in a path, even though critics may doubt you, its okay to believe, that there is no can't, won't or impossible they remind us it's okay to believe Impossible Is Nothing.

2010-05-08T15:00:00.003+08:00

Best Combat Unit. 24th time. For Honour And Glory.

3rd Coy, Happy ORD. I will miss you guys. Thanks for the memory.

2010-05-02T13:17:00.001+08:00

Did my first mini Tri yesterday. I must say it's quite ok, I figured because I had too much rest inbetween sets. LOL. Anyway I'm booking in again. See you guys in a week.

2010-04-24T23:19:00.000+08:00

2010-04-16T21:58:00.001+08:00

2010-04-10T19:24:00.001+08:00

2010-04-04T01:09:00.001+08:00

While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, the other is busy making mistakes and becoming superior.

2010-04-03T11:36:00.001+08:00

Back from hong kong! Photos on Facebook. Yeap, am starting course next week. Eight months of hell, but I guess I will walk through it again, I hope. Anyway nothing much to update. There is a big match tonight and I hope Man Utd wins so Chelsea fans can suck my balls! Wei Da in particular. =)

2010-03-22T19:24:00.001+08:00

I R BACK!!

2010-02-18T16:25:00.001+08:00

Bye Singapore, Hello Thailand.

Be right back, 21/03/2010.

2010-02-15T10:41:00.000+08:00

2010-02-14T11:50:00.004+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR AND A HAPPY VALENTINE TO ALL !!

Wishes from DBL'O, on New Year Eve !!!

2010-02-11T00:41:00.002+08:00

Do you really want me to tell you something subversive? Love is everything its cracked up to be. Thats why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the problem is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.

2010-02-10T21:20:00.000+08:00

2010-02-06T11:39:00.002+08:00

Finally, My internet is up and running. What a relief. It's going to be chinese new year soon, another year has pass again and soon we will all have kids , giving out ang baos rather than receiving. What I learn about life, it goes on and never will it stop. Will be at DBL'O tonight after Luke's birthday celebration. Nothing much to update maybe just that I will be in Thailand soon and I'm down with flu now. Sucky feeling.

2010-01-29T22:11:00.000+08:00

I will never forget what my old headmaster told taught me. Normally when you are only 15 years of age you do not remember most of the things that are preached by your teachers. But, this particular story is one such lesson that I will never forget. Every time I drift off course, I get reminded of this story. It was a normal Monday morning at an assembly, and he was addressing the students on important things in life and about committing ourselves to what is important to us. This is how the story went:

An old man lived in a certain part of London, and he would wake up every morning and go to the subway. He would get the train right to Central London, and then sit at the street corner and beg. He would do this every single day of his life. He sat at the same street corner and begged for almost 20 years. His house was filthy, and a stench came out of the house and it smelled horribly. The neighbors could not stand the smell anymore, so they summoned the police officers to clear the place. The officers knocked down the door and cleaned the house. There were small bags of money all over the house that he had collected over the years. The police counted the money, and they soon realized that the old man was a millionaire. They waited outside his house in anticipation to share the good news with him. When he arrived home that evening, he was met by one the officers who told him that there was no need for him to beg any more as he was a rich man now, a millionaire. He said nothing at all; he went into his house and locked the door. The next morning he woke up as usual, went to the subway, got into the train, and sat at the street corner and continued to beg. Obviously, this old man had no great plans, dreams or anything significant for his life. We learn nothing from this story other than staying focused on the things we enjoy doing, commitment. We should remain true to our course; which may mean committing yourselves to things that people around you would normally disapprove. Let nothing distract us from being happy, let nothing else determine our fate, but ourselves. What makes us happy is what matters in the end... not what we acquire.

2010-01-25T12:23:00.002+08:00

I've been thinking about you and how we used to be then. So long since you've been missing. Its good to see you again. How are you, how you doing?

Do you remember? All the fun times we had?

2010-01-23T11:38:00.003+08:00

Finally, I have walk through hell and survive. I must say it is the most tiring thing I have done in my entire life. My body is officially broken down. Trust me, those who never gone through it will never understand what I am talking about. When all else fails, Really, it's the mind that keeps you going and the thought of not letting the buddy next to you down. One word, Indescribable.

By the way, Watch "The Blind Side" Its an awesome movie. I want to watch it again.

The reason why everyone out there is enjoying their life.

2010-01-08T11:41:00.004+08:00

YES!! 3rd Coy All Redcon 1 for ATEC Stage 1 missions. Overall 1 CDO BN got Redcon 1 overall for ATEC Stage 1. Now for stage 2!

For Honour And Glory!

Selection next week. I can't fail.

'That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high
There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb'

2010-01-03T14:23:00.002+08:00

I believe ---
We don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
No matter how good friends are, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
True friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
You can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
It is taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
You can keep going long after you can't. We are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. Either you control your attitude or it controls you.
Regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
Heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
Money is a lousy way of keeping score.
My best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
Sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
Sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had, and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
It isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. No matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
Our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
Just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
You shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
Your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
Even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
Credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
The people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
You should tell people you love that you love them, as often as possible, because you never know when your last chance will be.

Today, I wish you a day of ordinary miracles. A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself. An unexpected phone call from an old friend. Green traffic lights on your way to work. The fastest line at the grocery store. A good sing-along song on the radio. Your keys right where you left them. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.

2009-12-30T23:16:00.000+08:00

A human being is a part of a whole, called by us _universe_, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest. A kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.

2009-12-27T14:43:00.004+08:00

Right, so I had a super long weekend to rest and am damn glad about it.

First day of book out was at Ricky's house playing mahjong.

Second day was spend playing Basketball and movies with Buds.

Third day was spend in Sentosa and drinking at night.

Yesterday was spend on shopping for Ying Xuan present but was unsuccessful, Powerhouse in the night.

Today is book in day.

By the way to those that are nameless , really stop being so secretive.

2009-12-20T10:45:00.004+08:00

This week was spend on Nelson's birthday on Friday and extreme makeover yesterday. Selection is coming soon and I don't want to fail it again. I'm afraid I would. Anyway, Shall let the pictures do the talking here.

The rest of the photos is with Desmond's girlfriend.

The makeover.

2009-12-19T04:20:00.001+08:00

You don't know it, but
Sometimes, I go to a hill that overlooks the landscape's mask of city lights
For a sip of momentary grace. On this brink of everything I know, I can gain
An eyeful of the lost Atlantis in the human soul,
And a breath that fills my lungs with the air between two stars.
If right now, you
Were to capture this elation
In the framework of your mind, Or find transcendance through these words,
Then at most you would know nothing
Of the beauty your existence throws to me.
For mine is a love no experience,No thought, no measure, no words
Could ever degrade into reality by virtue of degree.

2009-12-13T16:40:00.000+08:00

Be grateful to those who have hurt or harmed you, for they have reinforced your determination.
Be grateful to those who have decieved you, for they have deepened your insight.
Be grateful to those who have hit you, for they have reduce your karmic obstacles.
Be grateful to those who have abandoned you, for they have taught you to be independent.
Be grateful to those who have made you stumble, for they have strengthened you ability.
Be grateful to those who have denounced you, for they have increased your wisdom and concentration.
Be grateful to those have made you firm and resolute and helped in your achievements

2009-12-12T09:22:00.002+08:00

ok, I have completed my first marathon in life and it feels great. Nothing much has happen, yes, again. So not much of an update. Maybe it will be more fruitful next week. LOL

Yeah, I wished.

2009-12-05T14:49:00.001+08:00

A night of drinking and fun. Yeah, it's been awhile since I last club

Running Standard Chartered 42.195km tomorrow. Hope everything goes well.

2009-11-28T22:48:00.003+08:00

But, am sure I belong in,

3rd Coy's Soccer team.

2009-11-26T11:59:00.000+08:00

Really..

2009-11-22T09:03:00.001+08:00

It's been awhile since I updated. Was on standby and stuff. Nothing much to update though, life was mundane. Wait for next update.

2009-11-10T00:22:00.000+08:00

Most people can look back over the years and identify a time and place at which their lives changed significantly. Whether by accident or design, these are the moments when, because of a readiness within us and a collaboration with events occurring around us, we are forced to seriously reappraise ourselves and the conditions under which we live and to make certain choices that will affect the rest of our lives

2009-11-07T12:04:00.002+08:00

Zouk has Zouk-out, Hendon has Shag-out.

2009-10-31T14:43:00.002+08:00

I don't know what to type here , I'm feeling downright low now. I guess I just can't stop thinking about me failing the selection. Though before going I knew my chances ain't high but as it goes along, I found it bearable until that fateful day. My nemesis, it just fucked my life up. ARGH!!!! FUCK MAN!! Sometimes I ask myself why I'm doing all this shit and I look at the people around me and I found the reason why. I let them down.

DET 1, way to go. 6 more months to ORD.

All the way.

2009-10-24T16:21:00.002+08:00

Failing is hard to take, taste and whatever that comes with it.

2009-10-18T20:19:00.000+08:00

It constantly surprises me how the same thing can be so brilliant and ugly at the same time. I could be having a coffee, looking at the tree outside my window on a damp afternoon and think that every single leaf glistening with raindrops adds a glowing, simple beauty to the tree - only to stare at the same tree five minutes later and notice how deformed and out of place it really looks upon keener inspection. Maybe this world is too full of greed and pride, too used to selfishness, too caught up in sex and sorrow. Maybe too many people are driven more than they should by their emotions, that we are all somehow heading straight towards a space where life and all it entails feels null. We fly, we sink, we pick ourselves up again then we drown and finally we die.. people crumble so easily. Some are exceptionally vulnerable and others just find themselves subject to the occasional breakdown.. where do I fit in? For starters, I wish I were less of a pessimist.

2009-10-15T21:40:00.000+08:00

Why am I still running away from it? Why?

2009-10-12T17:19:00.000+08:00

Only the very best are selected, Am I good enough?

2009-10-10T11:38:00.000+08:00

I'm back!!

你可曾困惑在你身旁谁是敌是友, 对你落井下石的可能就是你的挚友.

2009-09-26T15:28:00.002+08:00

Sawadeekup! I'm blogging from the land of a thousand smiles and yes, I'm safe and sound here. The weather here is scorching and it took me 15 mins the get into blogger which kinda suck. Anyway just to update you guys what I'm doing. Do take care back in Singapore, I will be back in no time =)

Messages means so much.

2009-09-21T18:58:00.004+08:00

I was like ROFL when I saw this picture.

I going off to Thailand already. Till than guys.

I see the sparkle of a million flashlights
A wonderwall of stars
But the one that's shining out so bright is the one right where you are

2009-09-21T10:22:00.001+08:00

Everything that I've worked so hard to become, Everything that I've ever believed to be true, Everything I am will all come down to a single moment. Not a trial by fire, but a trial by heart.

2009-09-20T11:57:00.002+08:00

How typical of humans. Your eyes are clouded so you can not see. Even though
the truth is always within you.

2009-09-19T14:34:00.004+08:00

The course I'm going to undertake in the near future. The converted Ranger tab. The videos are actual happenings in the course. Off my music before viewing.

2009-09-18T16:46:00.003+08:00

Im going off to Thailand on the 21st night. It has been a hectic week for me. I have been to course after course. Off was burned but its OK I guess for I have acquired more skills now. I hope it will be useful. Anyway, I'm off to the gym. Shall update more soon.

Being back to SOTAC even for awhile was great. Reminisced.

2009-09-12T13:35:00.003+08:00

A Son asked his father, "Dad, will you take part in a marathon with me?" The father who, despite having a heart condition, says "Yes". They went on to complete the marathon together. Father and son went on to join other marathons. The father always saying "Yes" to his son's request of going through the race together. One day, the son asked his fater, "Dad, let's join the Ironman together."To which, his father said "Yes".For those who don't know, Ironman is the toughest triathlon ever. The race encompasses three endurance events of a 2.4 mile (3.86 kilometer) ocean swim, followed by a 112 mile (180.2 kilometer) bike ride and ending with a 26.2 mile (42.195 kilometer) marathon along the coast of the Big Island.Father and son went on to complete the race together.

I'm humbled. This dad is truly remarkable.

Off my music below my Cbox before watching.

2009-09-06T16:20:00.002+08:00

I love this guy from South Park. He is kenny and his always getting killed. LOL! Shall go back and watch South Park now.

2009-09-05T01:57:00.004+08:00

As promised, some of the photos of my birthday.

wen hao, me

McDonald Clique

The gang.

1CDO BN

sec school

Primary school

Again, wen hao and me

2009-08-30T17:55:00.001+08:00

Man don't cry, man tear drop. I teared today.

Anyway, my chalet photos will be up soon, thanks everyone for making it such a blast. Appreaciate.

Watch this.

2009-08-26T22:09:00.002+08:00

My grandma bid me good bye. I guess she knew I have grown, I really hope so.

2009-08-23T20:17:00.002+08:00

Back from Guard Duty, Slept the whole day through. Damn bored, played Sims 3 for awhile before heading out for a movie at Toa Payoh. I find my life so mundane, so colourless. But anyway, I do know that I have a great bunch of people around me to spark it/jolt it back to life. I'm approaching 21 soon. Now, it's just a few days more, so excited yet so petrified.

Gerald is growing old =(

2009-08-21T18:18:00.002+08:00

Went for soccer in the morning with the guys, had a nice tan from the glaring sun. Booking in tonight for guard duty. Oh yes, I had an off yesterday and I'm going back tonight, life's a bitch I know. Anyway, will be busy busy with duties and stuffs starting next week. Shall stock up more food in my cupboard on my next book in, the tinge of civilisation from Maggie's is better than nothing. Shall gym tomorrow when I have the time. The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step, Average is just not good enough period.

2009-08-17T12:31:00.003+08:00

Just finished my first Half Marathon yesterday. Was quite an experience, never knew what it was like to push oneself to run 21km until yesterday. Now I'm looking forward to 42km Standard Chartered Marathon. The satisfaction upon the completion is beyond words. The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start. Photos!!

2009-08-15T04:12:00.001+08:00

A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who affectionately waits for him, or to an unfinished work, will never be able to throw away his life. He knows the "why" for his existence, and will be able to bear almost any "how."

2009-08-09T15:25:00.002+08:00

Damn, not enough sleep. I miss Mambo! ARGH!!

2009-08-06T11:44:00.001+08:00

谢谢你曾让我幸福.

2009-08-02T14:34:00.002+08:00

lately, i've been thinking with such vigor that i thought i might explode. there are little chemical reactions traversing synapses- they look like blue and purple sparkles to me- and i think in strings. threads, even. they're skinny and tangle into one another until there is such a solid knot that i just curl into a ball and cry because i have to start over, because it can't be untangled-

united looks like untied;
love is reminiscent of evolve because it's evol backwards;
humans are insignificant in every way, but other humans want to be important and must make peers important to do so;
nobody wants to be useless, but everyone is.

people should not think. people are meant to be feelings, feelings and chaos so pronounced, the aftermath of a bomb test looks serene.

i'm sorry if you're looking for profound insight, you won't find it here. I am a twenty-almost-twenty one guy. with that fact alone, i am bound to be a disaster- i can only hope sometimes for it to be beautiful. i act before i think, i think before i act, i am not a bird, but birds and i have a long history and sometimes consider me kin.

it's almost always at night i think so much that my brain is like a manufacturing plant- little thoughts zooming up and down different factory lines, tubes and loud shouts to other workers,
"hurry up and send the next one!"
"we've got a jam in quadrant c!"

sometimes, i think so much that i shut down everything else. sometimes i just want someone to make it stop, and sometimes i say things that i think might provoke such an effect.

really all i do is hurt people.

i end up talking about things i shouldn't talk about, or i treat people like payphone therapists- drop the penny in the slot and you've got a hired listener, someone who is obligated to care; it's like magic, or a vent vending-machine. i lose the person in it, i forget that they've got thoughts and worries and little factories churning out thoughts that just-can't-stop and i don't know how to quiet myself down. i turn into a crying baby, a hysterical fox who's lost its den, i just wail until someone can tell me it's alright, distract me from the thoughts that pulse out steady as a techno beat, make me feel instead of think.

it never happens.

i like to pretend that i am a hazard to myself- i am right. however, i'm a danger to everyone else, as well. i never notice until it's spelled out before my eyes, either. i hold on so tightly that my fingers break, and i let go with nothing to use to keep in place. i just want to be loved- no, i don't. i just need to know that it is possible for me to be loved. sometimes i get so scared that, because i'm terrified to give away any of my self, that i'm reluctant to love or that i don't love myself, sometimes i get so scared that no one else can, either. and who wants to go through life never being loved?

i'm sorry.

i say sorry because i mean it. i say sorry a lot because i mess up a lot. i want to be forgiven, i hate when people are mad at me, the uncertainty eats me up inside and i'm anything but static, i'm moving like the moment i stop, i die.

i can be so emotionally simple and so mentally complex, i'm like a child in reverse. i will be happy, sad, or angry over anything you can imagine telling me. i feel so many things inside that general emotion that i oversimplify until i think it out. and when i start thinking, the little factory workers rev up their conveyor belts and begin shouting orders to "hurry up!" or that "there's a jam in quadrant c!"

i'm cyclic.

sometimes i think that life is just a string- threads, if you will. unlike my thoughts, i can't just start over- life is one huge work-in-progress that you will never see as complete, and the moment you do, you die.

i feel like for the past year, i've given glimpses of extremely specific bits of my self and my brain, my heart and my thoughts- but i know that when i read a book, i would rather watch how everything builds up to something you know, not piece things together to find that uniting force.

2009-08-02T12:13:00.002+08:00

Its been a long long time since I have updated. LOL. Anyway, Had earn my Beret, done Another jump from the Aircraft and preparing for Army Half Marathon. Did I mention I registered for the Standard Chartered Marathon too =) Anyway, Life is packed and to maintain secrecy not much can be said. Been working out in the gym lately, was hoping to get into the next Men's Health cover. LOL!! It's more for personal satisfaction actually. I'm turning 21 soon, and I hope that I can finally grow up to be more mature than I was before. It has taken awhile but my journey doesn't end till I have kick the bucket. Those people I have invited, see you guys at my birthday bash, I won't call it a bash, just gathering for most of the guys. =) Vian so are you going to fly back for my Birthday? LOL. Oh, Happy 21st to WONG WEI YANG, DOG. LOL. I'm sorry that you are spending it in Thailand because of me. I never expected to fly only in September. Wait till you are back, WOO DOG says drinks on him, check facebook for evidence. SOK SAN, LOL, birthday is coming up too. Wishing you all the best in Poly and as TOMBOY as ever!! Take good care of my brother will you?

Signing off..

2009-06-28T13:31:00.000+08:00

Being in love with a Virgo man means living in a practical world, where there will no be fairytale dreams. If you are too sentimental, then better take a u-turn right now. You will have to wait a long time to get him involved in a relationship. Even when he does, don't expect him to sing romantic poems for you or stand under your window to serenade you. It is not that Virgo men do not know how to love; just their way of expressing it is different from others. They are extremely dedicated towards their family and friends.

They are constantly involved in helping them and have a strong sense of work and duty. Too much display of emotions makes them uncomfortable and too conscious. A Virgo male will stick to you when you need him the most, care for you and dutifully carry out all the responsibilities a husband is expected to do. However, don't burden him with extreme sentiments, mushy affection and tearful promises. If he doesn't run away, he will become too cold and even the subtle display of affection from his side may come to a stop.

This doesn't mean that a Virgo guy cannot be softened at all. You have to keep the temperature just right. Too much aloofness or too much closeness is not what he wants. A little bit of sensuality, mixed with some intelligence and an interesting disposition is what he desires. To him, quality of time spent with you will mean more than the quantity. He is usually very cautious while forming a relationship. If it still doesn't turn out to be right, he will bury himself in work, avoid social gathering and be triply cautious with people.

Virgo men do not run after girls and romance. Infact, they do not mind being single at all. So, you will have to make a Virgo realize that he has fallen in love and needs to form a relationship. Remember, subtlety is the key to all this. If he wants, he can seduce you very easily, while being subtle all the time. He is not prone to flirtations, so you have no reasons to doubts his intentions. Infact, he is too sensitive, selective and honest to indulge in such kind of behavior. The love of a Virgo man is clean, innocent and pure, though it may take some time to win it.

Never expect him to fall in love with you at the first sight. He is very cautious about everything and that includes love and relationships. Lying will get you nowhere with him. He wants a genuine and honest relationship and cannot stand dishonesty even for a second. Stirring the emotions of a Virgo male is a very difficult task, because he never consciously looks for a mate. Remember, he does have a heart; you just have to sway it the right way. It may take time, but it will be worth the wait.

Once you have won his heart, you will never again feel unloved or uncared for, in your entire life. His love will burn for you with a steady flame, which will never flicker even for a minute. You will be rewarded with a husband who is totally sincere, patient, dependable and forever loving. You will never have to worry about stability again, whether it is emotional or financial. A Virgo man is not at all prone to wandering and you will never ever have to keep an eye on him. You will practically be showered with care and concern, whenever you need them.

He has a sharp memory and will remember even the minutest of details. You wouldn't have to remind him about anniversary or birthdays or other important dates. He may not understand why these days are so important to you, but he will remember them nonetheless. Virgo men are not too jealous, but they are possessive in the extreme. They very loyal and will expect the same from you. It is better to burn the love letters of your ex-boyfriends. Once something gets over for them, its over. Emotional appeals and tears wouldn't budge them an inch.

So, better play on the safer side. A Virgo man doesn't like dumb females, who are ignorant and stupid. You may be the hottest babe in the block. But, if you do not have brains, he wouldn't even look at you. Impropriety and rudeness turns him off. So, forget wearing that short, revealing black dress of yours. His kind of female has to be clean - body, mind and soul. If you want to win the love of a Virgo male, make sure that you have impeccable manners, spotlessly clean house, excellent cooking skills and decent dressing sense. He is prone to finding faults in others, but please don't give him specifics reasons to do so in your case.

He will be a very responsible father and will help sharpen the intellect of the children. He will also imbibe good manners, etiquettes and the quality of helping the needy in them. You will never need to worry about discipline, as he will work on that front too. However, you will have to teach your Virgo husband how to express his love and affection and control his critical behavior. When he becomes a little cranky, just leave him alone and he will again be his usual self pretty soon. With a Virgo man, you will have a tender companion who will shower you all with love and care, even when you don't look twenty anymore!

2009-06-26T10:52:00.002+08:00

Finally back from brunei and am free to dust up this blog. Yeah, I have been there, done that, swam in, climb it, builded it, ate that. Now beat that. lol. Well, 72km is this monday and I'm receiving my beret after that. Hope everything goes on smoothly, gonna rest more in this few days. Till than =) I shall have it over my head, there is a reason why the beret is red.

2009-05-30T13:09:00.003+08:00

I passed my FTT and finished my IPPT. No CDO Gold again, sian. Going out to celebrate Yuan Jie 21st birthday. Yesterday before booking in was Desmond 21st. Guess all of us is growing old. Talk about time waits for no one, it's as what my teacher told me when I was still in Sec sch days. How true.

2009-05-27T21:31:00.001+08:00

Hah, I'm on course and I can book out everyday. This kind of freedom is something money can't buy. Tonight is the big match, I;m not going to miss it. Glory Glory Man Utd, and the reds go marching on.. Oh, Saturday IPPT sian 1/2

2009-05-18T00:21:00.001+08:00

Bought a new book just now and found something interesting. Here is what it states. Men are singularly minded. We are usually thinking about only one thing and that one thing can change at any moment without notice or obvious logic. Here's a brief list. -food
-work
-sex
-food
-money
-work
-sports
-sex
-sleep
-vocation
These topics are fairly are consistent and there are always random thoughts.
-what would i do if i won the lottery
-if i could travel back in time, what would i do.
Sound weird? Not if you're a guy.

2009-05-02T12:00:00.003+08:00

I'm free so for some update now. Lol. Ok, went with B to Henderson Waves yesterday night, was quite high, think there is around 10 story high. But the view is awesome. Anyway, went drinking on Thursday night as usual. Just camp back from outfield too, got lots of bites and stuffs, walk for 18 hours around Tekong plus from camp to the ferry terminal. Guess SAF ran out of cash to indent buses. Lol. Right , post some pictures for yesterday.

2009-04-27T09:55:00.001+08:00

Im blogging in camp nw, testing the gps. Lol. Anyway life back in my company is tough again, daily runs and swim, followed by static in the evening. Outfield for this week than booking out on thursday night =) till than.

2009-04-09T10:21:00.002+08:00

I'm back!!!!! Miss me?? LOL. It's great being back. By the way, it's Redcon 2A. Never got Redcon 1 in stage 2. Well, I guess it will be enough to win the Best Unit Competition though. Photos for the trip is not with me, will post them when I have them.

2009-03-07T01:31:00.002+08:00

In times of war and uncertainty there is a special breed of warrior ready to answer our nation’s call. A common man with uncommon desire to succeed. Forged by adversity, he stands alongside Singapore's finest special operation forces to serve his country, the Singaporean people, and protect their way of life. I am that Man!

For Honour And Glory!

Commando!

2009-03-01T11:07:00.003+08:00

Hah, this is what happen. My OC is sending me to Ranger course, and I'm not prepared! Well, guess I won't earn my tab anytime soon. Hiaz..

By the way, information on the course.

http://www.specialoperations.com/Foreign/Singapore/Ranger_Course.htm

I just came back from live firing , sorry for the short post.

2009-02-22T02:48:00.001+08:00

亲爱的神伟大的神
你可以怪我想法太过无知但我只是人
我不信人因为,人也不信我
不要问我为什么我最多只能告诉你这就是我
生命像海浪一样有时高有时低
你是否告诉自己坚强渡过各种时期
我从命运的天台放眼却看不到星空
漆黑的天空压在头顶使我不得轻松
在我心中找不到一个安静的角落
我不能再沈睡下去良心彷佛在笑我

2009-02-20T22:20:00.003+08:00

I guess I don't really know what I want again. It always happens and I'm sick of it.

Anyway, had a jump today, almost went to find Mr "Yen". Too bad for my camp mates, they won't be wearing No.1 anytime soon. Lol.

I saw this written on my friends cupboard in camp.

" As Commandos, we are a special breed of men, a cut above the rest. And as Commandos, we need a special breed of girls, a cup above the rest."

Bullshit. Lol. ATEC soon. Redcon 1 , Redcon 1....

2009-02-15T14:23:00.002+08:00

不论我走到天南不论我走到地北不论
我走到哪都见识到人心的虚伪
很多人不屑我的态度
他们说我太cool
警察不爽我都曾将我逮捕
I don't give a fuck about 人家说什么
他们想说什么就说什么但是他们算什么
没有谁有权利拿他的标准衡量我
主宰是我自己随便人家如何想我还是我
我已经放弃所有哭的理由
因为我早就习惯冷漠活在无情的现实里头
人生要如何起头?
改变要如何起手?
当活在泥沼中要如何才能金盆洗手?

2009-02-14T21:06:00.002+08:00

HAPPY VALENTINE TO ALL!! MAY THOSE WHO ARE ATTACHED HAVE MANY MORE BLISSFUL MOMENTS WITH YOUR LOVE ONE!!

As for me, I'm spending my time rotting at home. By the way, I pass the test. Period. Right, I'm off to drink.

2009-02-07T18:10:00.001+08:00

Atec stage 1 , REDCON 1, best in the SAF. Now, for stage 2. Taiwan, here I come. =)

2009-02-01T16:47:00.004+08:00

My country expects us to be unbreakable, tougher, last longer, run further, fight harder than any other shit out there. A different breed of man, A cut above the rest.

Well, the price to pay, is being metally and physically drain 24/7. At least, give me a few days off to regenerate.

I'm really tired.

Btw, I saw this...

如果你不爱一个人, 请放手. 好让别人有机会爱她. 如果你爱的人放弃了你,请放开自己, 好让自己有机会爱别人. 有的东西你再喜欢也不会属于你的, 有的东西你再留恋也注定要放弃的. 人生中有许多种 . 但别让自己为一种伤害. 有些缘分是注定要失去的, 有些缘分是永远都不会有好结果的,爱一个人不一定要拥有, 但拥有一个人就一定要好好的去爱她. 男人哭了是因为他真的爱了. 女人哭了是因为她真的放弃了. 如果真诚是一种伤害, 我选择谎言; 如果谎言是一种伤害, 我选择沉默; 如果沉默是一种伤害, 我选择离开. 如果失去是苦, 你怕不怕付出 ,如果迷乱是苦,你会不会选择结束, 如果追求是苦, 你会不会选择执迷不悟 , 如果分离是苦, 你要向谁倾诉, 好多事情都是后来才看清楚, 好多事情当时一点也不觉得苦.

2009-01-25T11:35:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feelingfeeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling so down. FUCK!!

还来不及仔仔细细写下你的关于.描述我如何爱你你却微笑的离我而去.
记得你叫我忘了吧,你说你会哭不是因为在乎.
我们是不是该知足珍惜一切就算没有拥有?

2009-01-23T20:37:00.002+08:00

I'm back. Yeah, i did not get to jump again. Well, its ok. Anyway, I'm tired from the trainings from camp. And I will be fighting ATEC with the battalion for the best unit in SAF. I hoppe to bring glory to the formation, fly the flag high and continue the tradition my predecessor sets. So I will be in Taiwan again soon, followed by Brunei. Nothing much , till than.